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Carers' own storiesJohn's Story
"Supporting, helping and caring for someone else is a partnership" Being a single parent can be a challenging task for anyone, but taking on the role of a single foster parent caring for a severely disabled ten-year-old seems bigger than most. For Liverpool based carer John it's a challenging yet rewarding reality. It's been almost seven years since John gave up his hectic career as an occupational therapist to become a full time and sole carer for foster son Michael. With the physical and mental ability of perhaps a one-month old infant, epilepsy and gastrostomy feed, Michael has very complex needs. He requires round the clock care. For more than five years local care agency Crossroads Caring for Carers has been providing John- and many others like him - with essential support. The Crossroads team spends three hours a week with Michael and the visits enable John to catch up with friends and enjoy outside interests. John has now built up a trusting relationship with staff at the Crossroads office and with the support workers who visit. Although he admits it was initially difficult to accept help, despite his long career with social services. "As with many people today, particularly carers, I was determined that I could cope for myself. We all get that feeling that we would like to be or ought to be superman or superwoman. "It was difficult to recognise and admit that it's perfectly acceptable to want some time out and to realise there are people available to help you achieve that. It's also a healthy step to accept that other people can look after Michael. It makes you a better carer in the long run if you're able to take some time on your own, recharge the batteries! "It's also easy to get into that trap of times of feeling guilty about the support you get, knowing that you come across many people who have really struggled and had no support for years. "What many people with disabilities or those supporting them need is information and encouragement to look at getting the right help." John continues: "There are quite a few friends I'm not able to visit with Michael because of limited wheelchair access. But with a flexible three hours a week free, I can call on them, enjoy trips to the cinema or simply enjoy a stroll in the local park in the summer. I've even had an attempt at Salsa dancing." For John, Crossroads' weekly visits are a well-deserved break from a busy daily routine. A routine that starts 7am as John washes, changes and dresses Michael before he goes off for a full day at a local special school for the visually impaired. In the evenings, John can be found preparing for the five special feeds a day for Michael, who with his gastrostomy is fed through a tube straight into his stomach. "The days are full and busy. Michael and I attend quite a few hospital clinic appointments, and meetings involving his care each week. Fitting it all in can be a struggle and it is really easy to neglect yourself. "The relationship with Crossroads pushes me to get out and do things I doubt that I would otherwise. I'm even taking art classes at the local adult education centre and am involved in several campaigns to improve access and funding for wheelchair users," he explains. John, who also has three children in their teens and early 20s, believes Crossroads' commitment to regular and specialised staff training is a reassuring part of the service. He describes the Crossroads agency as helpful, encouraging and professional. "Michael has a wonderful personality, but is very limited. He can communicate very little of what he wants and it takes time to build confidence in people being able to look after him. Supporting, helping and caring for someone else should be a good partnership, which is what I have with Crossroads." As for the future, John is unsure of how much more care Michael will require as his needs change. Making sure Michael has all the hoists to move him, ramps for house access, and a van with a lift to make it wheelchair accessible is essential. John recently became engaged to Lynn and will be married next year. "Although Lynn is a very caring person and is getting to know Michael. Crossroads has helped us spend time on our own, which has been very special part of our courtship," John explains. "We very much hope Social Services will allow us to continue to get Crossroads support when we are married, so we can still carry on 'dating' and give that special bit of time to each other. The knowledge that Crossroads is there and can meet Michael's care requirements is reassuring." With more than 80,000 people in Liverpool alone caring for someone, John believes its essential for people to know about all the support they can, especially from agencies like Crossroads Caring for Carers. "Caring for someone -even with love and commitment - is still a challenging job. "Support is essential and it's important to get past that resistant feeling that no one can do the job like you can and considering Crossroads support for your loved one, and yourself!" |
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5 De Havilland Drive, Estuary Business Park, Liverpool L24 8RN . Tel: 0845 051 1970 . Fax: 0151 222 0060 The content of this website can be provided on audio cassette and in large print format. The information can also be provided in other languages, or in Braille. Please contact Crossroads Caring for Carers team for more details. |
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